The Safe Harbor Method™
Create a Safe Zone for Connection
Agree to follow the 3 rules (below) and then alternate sharing and listening for 2 min max with a timer. That’s it. Super simple and yet the start of something special.
How?
Alternate sharing and listening with each other in 2 minute sessions with a timer.
Set up:
- Find a quiet place where you will not be interrupted.
- Turn off your phones, if possible.
- Set up your timer - phone or sand timer.
- Agree to follow the 3 Rules.
- Agree to a time limit for the meeting.
When it is your time to share:
- Start the timer and begin.
- Stop when your time is over.
- Switch to the other person to share.
- Stop and reschedule if you need more time.
Suggestions:
- Use “I Statements".
- You may want to try sharing your Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests.
- Pause or reschedule if you need more time.
When it is your time to listen:
- Do not interrupt your partner.
- Offer undivided attention. Your body language will reveal how well you are listening.
- We can acknowledge each other’s feelings without agreeing.
- Actively listen without judgement.
When the meeting is over:
- Create some space to digest what you just heard.
Download the Safe Harbor Starter Guide
We create connection in tiny chunks
When?
When is the best time to try the Safe Harbor Method™? We recommend practicing this communication technique on a regular schedule so that we can be ready for the storm. When a disagreement or challenging moment arrives, or when you begin to feel distant, this is the perfect time for SHM. Productive communication and deeper connection will be much more effective in the calm conditions of a Safe Harbor.
There’s a time to wait and a there’s a time to connect
- When the storm arrives, it will be easier to just stop and wait for the big clouds to pass.
- Productive connection will happen in calming or calm conditions.
- The words we use, and our body language can affect the weather.
One of the people engaged in the disagreement needs to become aware that the heat of the exchange is rising, and a physical sensation or angry thoughts will often be apparent. At that moment the person who has begun to feel overwhelmed needs to say something like: “I need a time out,” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed,” or “I need to stop.”
Why?
There are countless books, workshops, communication systems, etc. and yet the divorce rate is still 50%. These options are important, but is there something more that we can do? Something that can be done at home without months of training and bills? Something that fits into our partner’s busy schedule?
- Disagreements, arguments and fights will often resolve once listening, uninterrupted listening, occurs between people.
- If using the SHM doesn’t resolve an issue, it will likely pave the way for discovering solutions and revealing the direction to move towards finding a resolution.
Most haven’t learned how to navigate heated disagreements or productively engage with those with opposing viewpoints.
What?
What is The Safe Harbor Method™ (SHM)? SHM is a specific technique of communicating with your partner in order to create a safe space for sharing and empathy. The format is simple, the effect is profound. The Safe Harbor Method™ is a simple technique that is:
- Free
- Intuitive
- Easy to Learn
- Instantly Accessible during Stormy Weather
When the waters get rough, stop and return to a safe harbor. Listen to eachother in equal portions.
The Three Rules
Stop
When the water gets rough, anyone can call “Stop” to let the water calm.
Take a Break
Separate and regain your composure. Then agree on a time to return.
Return to Listen
Use a timer and share for 2 minutes each without interrupting.
Get the App!
We are building an app:
- Choose from many different guides to help facilitate The Safe Harbor Method™ at home
- Learn Communication Techniques
- Connect with a Community
Get Started?